Have you ever sat there, and truly asked yourself what you want? Have you ever been totally clueless? I have. I want to be surrounded by friends, but then the next I want to be alone. I want to be loved, but I don’t think I am ready for anything really serious. I want to become successful in my career but I don’t want to leave family. I suppose these are common things most people worry about, but for me it is new. In the last year I have went from a girl to a more mature girl. I wouldn’t call myself a woman, because I feel like I have so much more to learn in this lifetime, and that I am still a child. As it turns out relationships aren’t just about loving one another like I previously thought. It is about stability and forming a pact to pull your own weight among other things. I suppose I couldn’t go on forever thinking that relationships only had to include love while everything else just magically worked on its own.
One thing is for certain, and that is that I have to figure things out about myself before I try to figure out someone else. I suppose a better wording for that would be that if you can’t love yourself you can’t love someone else. I am the most self-conscious person that I know, and it is ruining my life. The only way to solve a problem is to tackle a solution. I have been reading a book called the “4 hour body” by Timothy Ferriss, and something that I read really sparked a realization in my mind. In order to be motivated to do something that requires a large amount of commitment such as losing weight, you should experience something called a harajuku moment. He defines it by describing it as something that you would like to have turning into something you cannot live without. Now that I think about it, this can go for a lot of things such as relationships. While I can place this term under something I would need for weight loss, I can maybe use it for bettering myself all together. Can I live my life without being someone I want to be? I can the take time and really analyze this and drive myself crazy, but let’s face it. We spend our lives focusing on what we want to become, and I am no different.
Theladypwnage 